Opening Up / by Michelle Cowan

I am attempting to open up my world. It’s really the only way to go. Openness is scary, but it has resulted in more growth in my life than any other disposition. Openness.

You see, when something I at one time only dreamt of doing seems to miraculously occur, a closer examination of everything leading up to the occurrence reveals a distinct lack of the miraculous (unless, like me, you argue that every little thing we do is, in a way, miraculous…but that’s another conversation entirely). Here’s the basic pattern:

1) Idea floats to me (among the thousands of others I receive every second).
2) Idea sticks with me and keeps popping up. I can’t remove the notion from my brain for too long before it returns. Sometimes, this is exceptionally annoying.
3) I realize that I want to act on that idea.
4) But I don’t act on it yet; I’ll think about it more. (Usually, this is resistance rearing its ugly head, sometimes in the form of laziness, sometimes in the form of fear. Although part of me wants to act on the idea, part of me does not.)
5) The desire to act on the idea takes over >50% of me, in effect, defeating the resistant side.
6) I still don’t do anything.
7) I get frustrated because I’m not doing anything. (If an idea has hung around this long, then it’s probably meant-to-be.)
8) I finally tell someone about the idea.
9) Idea is acted on.

Okay, there are probably a few steps in between 8 and 9, but generally, after I open up about whatever idea I have, balls start rolling. Usually, I discover that, with help, the action is not so difficult. Sometimes, simply voicing what I want makes it less intimidating or more significant than initially thought.

All that to get to today’s furtive share. I want to do more with my music. Therefore, I am opening up my MySpace music page and will be accepting friends in the near future. (No, I have not accepted any friends on my MySpace music page. I never tell anyone about it, and when friends find me, I explain to them that I never add anyone. Pretty odd…but true.)

Anyway, step one is adding a prominent link to it here. Then, I will be sending the link out via email. HUGE for me. But do I expect anyone to hear me if I never tell anyone about what I do? I have to make a move that reflects my passion for the music.

Hopefully, this will lead to more performing. If I can open up online, perhaps I can make connections and open up live.

In any case, I have uploaded songs from a recent live concert I gave in the Heights. My wonderful friend Nancy recorded it, and I think the sound trumps that of my old laptop recordings. Another friend took some pics, and those will also be available very soon. So – enjoy my page. Enjoy the music. And if you have any ideas, feel free to share.

Here’s to being one of those wacky people who posts everything about herself online! Ah, Michelle, welcome to the 21st century…

Oh! And here’s the link to my music: